This blog is the third step to The 10 Steps I took to dealing with the emotional aspects of infertility a follow up to A Childless Mother.
Ten Steps to managing the emotional aspects of infertility are as follows:
- Listening to Music
- Focusing on the advantages of being without child
- Disconnecting from my religious beliefs
- Learning the benefit of ‘Acceptance’
- Understanding the meaning of ‘Real Love’
- Finding a hobby
- Studying and applying the benefits of Holistic Healing
- Appreciating the children that were already in my circles
- Caring for others
- Reading and applying techniques from Self Help books.
The desire to become a mother can be more than a need or a want; it was my purpose as well as my destiny. It was often quoted that God said that we must’ “Go forth and multiply”. So, as far as I was concerned, God was punishing me for fornicating and that was a sin therefore I must accept my punishment until I change my ways.
Although my relationships had been long term, just knowing that it was a sin to indulge in sexual acts before marriage was wrong therefore I would be punished and this was my comeuppance.
The goal, in passed relationships, had always been to marry and then focus on building a family as this was the Christian thing to do, particularly if we wanted God blessings and to live eternally in heaven avoiding a sentence to eternal anguish and punishment in hell.
It was a referral from a friend to a counseller/hypnotherapist that had enable me to take a deeper look at how religion had played a role in activating low moods as it was my very beliefs learnt over the years, around Christianity, which had kept me a prisoner of my thoughts and the mental punishment that I was putting myself through. In other words, I was actually living in Hell on Earth! Continued meetings with my counselor had also enabled me to accept the situation that I was in and then later had me focusing on the benefits of being without child.
Religion can be defined as a set of beliefs in a superpower which determines how all living things should live, be and interact with each other in the physical and spiritual world. Religion can also be described as a pursuit or interest followed with great devotion in which some men will kill to defend the longevity of the dogmas put in place to educate the masses.
One of the root causes of Depression, besides having low serotonin levels, is the inadequacy in one not living up to their own life expectations. It tends to get complicated for some people who are involved in religious organisations, especially those who struggle to live up to standards taught based on Religious dogma. Living to please a perfect God in an imperfect society can leave anyone feeling inadequate with feelings of guilt leaving one feeling condemned . In my opinion, people who are deep in following religious movements and cults, find it easy to submit and live by the standards and dogmas taught and kearnt.
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- The Devil
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- Living in Hell
Dogmas can be described as a set of beliefs or convictions presented by an authority to manage behavior and to promote the teachings of morality and faith in a religious or political system.
In my opinion, beliefs are having trust and confidence in presumptions given; the believer accepts the viewpoint, theory or ideologies of others as’ truth’ without proof.
“Religion originates in an attempt to represent and order beliefs, feelings, imaginings and actions that arise in response to direct experience of the sacred and the spiritual. As this attempt expands in its formulation and elaboration, it becomes a process that creates meaning for itself on a sustaining basis, in terms of both its originating experiences and its own continuing responses.” – Paul Connelly
Installed Image of God
Mary?
Looking back, religion was introduced to me before I could speak or even think for myself. This was made possible by way of baptism, around the age of three months. As far as I was concerned, baptism had run in my family throughout generations and to my belief, Christianity was the way of life for my ancestors.
In my childhood experience my Christian beliefs included the fearing God, who was giant white man who lived in the skies in which we were to call heaven. We were taught to believe that he had a son called Jesus who was born (by Immaculate Conception) to a mortal woman called ‘Mary’, but his father (Mary’s Husband) was called Joseph. The story had never made sense to me as a child and what made it worst is that I was not allowed to asked for clarity in what didn’t make sense so I had to suppress my thoughts and beg forgiveness from God for doubting him and at the same time fearing that I would be sent to Hell as these thoughts were my own and nobody else that I knew were questioning the concepts given. The follow blog by Mark Fulton examines Mary’s Virginity.
I have mentioned Mary in this blog because I had often modeled myself on Mary. Eventually, I became celibate believing if I became more like her that God would bless me with a child regardless of whether I had a man or not….It’s crazy, I know!!
As children, we often look up to our parents, guardians, mentors and elders therefor we tend to believe whatever they present to us therefore, we are already programmed or conditioned to accept what we are taught to accept without questioning it. Some of my childhood beliefs were tied in with the idolization of icons such as; Father Christmas, Flying Reindeer’s, The Tooth Fairy, Peter Pan and Never Never Land, Stories of Zeus and the list goes on.
Children are growing up dismissing religion because the very people who they trust and look up to have lied to them throughout their childhood and they then work out for themselves that these lies are told to control them, their minds and lives.
Once any person learns a truth, whether it defines or redefines their life, one experiences a feeling of freedom, increased spiritual awareness and well-being.
Original Mary Concepts
Growing up to believe that all women were born with the ability to produce children is now a myth to me. Women are more than mothers to their children, we are also nurturers, energy supplies and Keepers of Love. Once we recondition the mind to accept the situation for what it is, it is then possible to grow and flourish into the woman intended to be. I will share more on acceptance with the next blog: (Step 4) Learning the benefit of ‘Acceptance’.
Infertility can be an emotional road for many, check out my blog 10 Steps to managing the emotional aspects of infertility (Step One) which focuses on how Music heals.
Losing my fertility had me praying every day to my own concept of what God was. My conception was and still is that: ‘God’ is the most powerful spirit living in and around all things existing. This Great and Almighty Spirit, is the seed of Creation and also the path to eternity enabling us, in our existing form (spiritual and physical), to live by Karma as we explore and evolve with Love.
Research:- The Love Hormone (Oxytocin)
Useful Links:
Origins Of African American Spiritualism
Christianity vs Afrikan Consciousness (Youtube Video)
Are blacks abandoning Christianity for African faiths?
International Association of Counselors & Therapists
Association of Christian Counsellors
The National Council for Hypnotherapy UK
The American Association of Professional Hypnotherapists
The African and Caribbean Mental Health Services (ACMHS)
Black Mental Health UK: your news, policy and research resource
Spirituality and Mental Health
Royal College of Psychiatrists:- Spirituality and mental health
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Crystal Diamond Health Blogger 